Disclaimer: This article is written with the aid of AI tools while keeping all content original
The plot
Humans experience a wide range of emotions, encompassing happiness, sadness, embarrassment, anger, and nostalgia. It's a common notion that once we complete a challenging semester or achieve financial success, we will attain everlasting happiness. However, this belief couldn't be further from the truth. Such thinking is deeply ingrained in us from our exposure to fairy tales when we are little. And we must admit, all of us were once innocent children who wholeheartedly believed in the possibility of a "happily ever after." Yet, the reality of our lives differs greatly from such simplistic narratives of fairy tales. The plot of life's journey is filled with triumphs and setbacks, instead of being a linear path leading to eternal bliss.
The default
Allow me to present a bold proposition: every single one of our emotions is fundamentally rooted in fear. Now, I understand that this assertion may provoke skepticism within you, but let me explain.
Consider happiness, often perceived as the “antithesis” of sadness and fear. However, if we delve deeper, happiness, in its essence, can be seen as a form of fear—specifically, the fear of rejection. In other words, the refusal of acceptance.
The dark side of this is, that there is always something in life to be afraid of—death, betrayal, failure. And when we are happy, we tend to ignore these to “enjoy the moment”.
Similarly, when we worry, it is a manifestation of the fear of loss. Our minds are consumed by the apprehension of what we might forfeit, driving our incessant fretting. When we worry about a person, we are afraid of losing them. When we are worried for an interview, we worry about not getting the job, in other words, losing the opportunity.
Moreover, anger and aggression, seemingly unrelated to fear, are, in fact, born from the fear of vulnerability. We adopt these defensive mechanisms to shield ourselves from appearing weak or susceptible. Nobody is born hostile, but as we get smarter, we automatically build up this mechanism.
Undoubtedly, fear wields a tremendous influence over our society. It sets apart those who achieve greatness from the masses. Fear assumes control over our very being, taming our inner turmoil and concealing our primal instincts. Furthermore, it shapes our public persona, determining how we present ourselves to the world.
We have to embrace the realization that fear is the driving force behind our emotions. Only by acknowledging its omnipresence, you will “unlock” a deeper understanding of the intricate workings of the human psyche.
An experience with the fear of being awkward
Smartphones have become ubiquitous in today’s society. I often stare at screens to study, work, make this newsletter so I often experience eye fatigue. Therefore, I told myself that I had to cut down on screen time when I am not working. In the streets, I am really tempted to use my smartphone as when I look around me, I can barely find any person who is not on their phones. My hand also feels awkwardly empty and it almost feels that I am wrong to not use my phone.
Fear of acceptance—happiness
As wild this analogy might seem, I would regard happiness as a blindfold. Why? In life, there are countless things that we can complain about, be afraid of, be frustrated about. When we experience so-called “happiness”, we brain tends to filter out such negative thoughts. This is not because that our problems are suddenly gone or forgotten, but it is because our brains are actively telling us to “enjoy the moment”. Using this analogy seems to be really pessimistic, but welcome to reality, my friend.
Fear of appearing soft
In this brutal world, if you are not the predator, you are the prey. Not everyone are on the top of the food chain but as an individual, we make sure that they are at least safe, not bullied or boycotted by everyone else. Although education tells us not to be aggressive to others to secure our position, but there is no way that we get everyone to follow the rules. This is a problem of trust but is also deeply intertwined with the idea of fear.
Fear runs us, fear runs our society
We are animals, humans ARE animals. We are born like a blank sheet of paper but later when we learn about the threats of this world, we get defensive, we know how to control ourselves. In other words, we become more mature and so-called “rational”. We have sexual desires, we become jealous, we have evil ideas… But fear keeps us sane so that we can appear “normal” in front of everyone else. Ironically, everyone else is also controlled by fear. How does fear run our society? If we don’t have fear, the minute we get the idea to rob the bank, we head to the bank with a gun. If we don’t have fear, the minute you hate a person, you plot to kill. It is that simple, fear keeps us sane. Fear stops us from doing things that are morally wrong as we are scared that we might get caught, judged, or punished by society.
Perception
I have mentioned that fear determines how successful a person is. More accurately, it is how a person sees fear that determines their level of success. Fear can keep us sane and help us accept the brutal reality. But we sometimes have to take a break from reality as well. You can utilize fear to defend yourself from threats but fear should not stop you from chatting with people, asking for opportunities, giving that speech, doing that presentation, making friends, etc. Being overwhelmed by fear is pernicious and so is ignoring it. The fear of failure motivates us to strive for improvement. In conclusion, utilizing fear is of paramount importance when it comes to being a successful individual. Fear can drive us insane, but it also keeps us sane.
Closing words
I am no psychology professor so I will leave the esoteric theories on human thinking to them. Life is a conundrum and fear is the key that makes us human. I am sure many of you have your own perception of “fear”. Some might not agree with my pessimistic definition of “happiness”. But it doesn’t change the fact that fear is an important factor to who we are. It might be vicarious to sit here and read all this, but the more experience you have in life, the more you will understand what fear truly is.